Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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