He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
