That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
