Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

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(252): View more from North Carolina

its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

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(647): View more from Ontario

I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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(972): View more from Texas

Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.

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(925): View more from California

He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"

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(917): View more from New York City

dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked

(646): View more from New York

oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now

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