i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A+ Viking dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
