you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
