Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
