i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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