I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
