put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
