I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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