i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
