is your mom at the bar?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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