So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize