I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want nice things and good sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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