Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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