Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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