I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
