My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
