That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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