I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
