We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
