Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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