He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
