dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
