Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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