he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
