Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
