Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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