Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
