I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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