Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
