i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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