my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just had sex bonerless
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
