I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
