Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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