just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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