...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
