um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
