I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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