i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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