i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
