Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
