Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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