Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
