So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize