This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pants are for mortals
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
