i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
