she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
