i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't turn off my feet"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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