I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
