I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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