My first STD was from a foam party
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize