ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
