I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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