Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
