peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
