we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
