what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why do cheetos always look like penises
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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