Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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