turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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